Male Bag Letter #4: A Candy Man!

Happy Humpday Ms. Heel,

O lookee, just in time for Valentine's Day, I get to discuss my favorite snack: men...and not just any man--O no, today I'm discussing the Candy Man!

My gawd, the sweetness of a Candy Man...where does one begin?

Let's begin with what is a 21st century Candy Man:

In the words/lyrics of Christina Aguilera's song, Candy Man : "...There's nothing more dangerous than a boy with charm. He's a one stop shop, makes the panties drop. He's a sweet talkin', sugar coated, candy man..."🎶🎵


Now that we know what one is, do you have/had/want one Ms. Heel?

A super sweet talking, moves so smooth and creamy, like a name brand peanut butter, and delectably filled to the rim with sugar-coated, gourmet, buttery bedroom skills. You may have never referred to him as the Candy Man--but if you've had one or currently do, you probably call him your friend, hook-up and the perennial fav: bootie call. Candy Men are rarely serious boyfriends and/or husbands (and if married to one--Oh honey, I'm sorry). Why? They stay busy giving away candy--like year-long Salvation Army bell ringing, money collectors! Hanging outside grocery stores, Walmarts, soccer fields, downtown bars, stadiums, etc. Because they know most women have a

Sweet Tooth Are you craving something sweet? 😉 Well, let me warn you, that a Candy Man ain't for everybody. One must put their big girl panties on and leave them on! Especially, if like jelly beans, you can't have just one! Um, Christina didn't call him a panty dropper for no reason. Candy Men love to make love. They are natural pleasers. They live to see that ecstasy crescendo and decrescendo over your face repeatedly. A Candy Man's sole job, is to share his candy with you. Over and over and over again. He needs you to only think of him for a sugar high (aka: orgasms).

He knows that his sweetness is yo weakness!

Which is why, he can be extremely cavalier with his treats. In other words, he may not always show up when he says he will. He may not commit to a date until the very last minute (and by date I mean: coming over, chillin and well, you know the rest). You'll bitch and complain, but still be showered up and ret-to-go, when he finally does show up. And you all rarely go out. He can't do that; he would piss off other "friends" if they see him with another chick. He must keep up the semblance of fidelity. It's really the best for everyone.

To eat or not to eat?

Now that you've been informed of what a Candy Man is, can you handle a Candy Man? Seriously, can you truly share your sweets with him without any form of commitment? If there's a direct pipeline from your root chakra to your heart chakra, then I'd suggest that you rethink going anywhere near this jar of treats and of broken hearts! Candy Men are for women like Angelina Jolie and Sharon Stone's character in the movie, Basic Instinct; oh and my girlfriend who's name will go unmentioned. In short, you need to be a man-eater. Dealing with men on your terms. Mating like a black widow spider...when these girls are done--they're done!😜


In the end, if you have one of these sweet lovers in your life and bed, can you give him up? Hell, do you even want to? A good lover is hard to find these days. And certainly one that makes you feel so alive and good. He's usually the one guy, who helped you achieve multiple orgasms. But most of my life, I've found that not too many women can handle a Candy Man. It simply wrecks too much havoc on one's heart. And please, do not go getting a wild hair up your you-know-what. You cannot beat a Candy Man at his own game. Don't believe me? Hard-headed? Rent the movie 9 1/2 Weeks and then we'll talk...#shetriedit!

Valentine's Day Candy So if you find yourself alone tomorrow, I would suggest that you treat yourself to dinner and champagne. Invite some girlfriends out and love yourself. And if there's any type of sugar rush tomorrow night, it'll be you rushing home to finish that chocolate cake you made yourself.

I ❤ U for being a reader,



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