Is It Better To Give, Than To Receive?



Happy Sunday Ms. Heel,

This is the question to ponder this Sunday before Thanksgiving: Is it better?

Why is it better?

And why do we only teach, preach and encourage all in society to give, volunteer and donate? Volunteering looks good & encouraged on college applications. And speaking of donations, we applaud those--you get to write them off on your taxes!

Listen, I get it...that's the whole point of Thanksgiving. To give thanks for your blessings and give back to others that are less fortunate.

But when was the last time, someone informed or taught you how to receive?

I can unequivocally answer this question, because my answer in the past, was a resounding, NEVER!

I can honestly say, I was never taught nor attended a class on how to receive with grace--EVER!

I've always been so much more comfy giving away my time, my money, hell, even myself to others, than I was receiving. Over time I realized that the art of receiving is so important, and is a self taught skill...that one stumbles upon--by accident! Usually after getting embarrassed by your own behavior, or being used/played by those who you thought were friends.

Am I alone? Can I get an Amen?

Have you asked yourself this question--are you comfortable with receiving?

Today, I want you to the play the role of someone on the receiving end. Let's explore how to really accept gifts, money, assistance, compliments and yes, critiques with grace.

Just yesterday, I complimented a stranger, a very well-dressed woman at a coffee shop on her outfit. I could clearly see in a split second, a seed of doubt about my intention, reflected in her eyes. And in doing so, she said thank you, but not with much grace. I could feel that maybe she thought, I was lying or was being condescending to her. Her thank you barely registered on the happy/Richter scale. She said thank you, but couldn't turn around fast enough. Why did she doubt my sincerity? Why did she not gush with her thank you and light up with gratitude? I can't answer that; but has this happened to you or is this you? Why aren't you comfortable or receptive to compliments? Why do you think others can't be nice, simply for the sake of being nice?

[side bar]: I've noticed that men are much more comfortable with receiving compliments. Just try it. Give the next man you see tomorrow morning with a nice tie on a compliment. I'm willing to bet, he will light up like a Christmas tree and proceed to tell you the origins of it. Are men wired to receive much more so than women? This I'm not sure. But I do know, when you let a man go on and on about himself, he'll never stop. Girls, note to self: wanna get a man, let him talk all night about himself. He'll be calling or texting you the next day for another date, to talk some more about himself.

Ok, back to us girls...

Maybe you see yourself in this story: someone helps you move your furniture into a new home. Rather than just accept their graciousness, you blame yourself for not being able to afford movers and apologize profusely for putting them out! They insist it's their pleasure, but you cut them off and give yourself 30 metaphorical lashes, for being financially challenged at this time, and go on to talk about how stupid you are, for having so much stuff!

Here's another: Your co-worker tells you you're really pretty. You proceed into a diatribe of all your faults and then spend the next 10 minutes entertaining the office, with your self-deprecating humor, amateur night routine. Why couldn't you just receive it and say, thank you?

Lastly, your best friend of 20 years, criticizes you. And you know that her critiques ring true. Why is it, that your knee-jerk reaction is to belittle her? Why the tit-for-tat?

I could spend hours, describing numerous scenarios, but I think you get the point. That receiving is just as vital to your personal growth as giving. And just like the word no is a complete sentence, so is the word, yes.


Start saying yes to compliments. Yes to help. And yes to critiques from others (who you know love and care for you). And by saying yes to yourself, means that you receive it and accept it; in other words: yes, that's me. I deserve this compliment on this lil trait of mine!

Which will manifest in you simply saying with pride & humility: "Thank you."

And I thank you so much for reading my blog and giving me your time. Feel free to leave comments--I always enjoy "receiving" them.

Happy Thanksgiving,

Velicia


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